Much Worse

I kinda feel bad for whoever reads this. I don't feel like blogging again because things are so dark but maybe it will help me organize my thoughts and symptoms.

Things have taken a hard left turn.

Where do I begin?

I will back pedal a little bit. So some of this stuff is actually in the previous post. So, bear with me.

So, first week of February, I did my LDI, had some brain fog lift, then I guess a flare? Then, I don't even know.

Second week of February, snowstorm after snowstorm caused me SO much pain, but I pushed through.

That same week, the dreaded PMDD from hell hit and I felt like I had some sort of psychotic mental breakdown. Things were so distorted. I even felt like I had postpartum depression at one point even though my son is almost 4. I can usually handle life (barely), but when my hormones are acting like the Tasmanian Devil, I fail at life. This was probably the darkest, worst weekend I've ever had. I could not stop crying.

Third week of Feb I decided to attempt minor yard work (AKA picking up dog poop) and something bad happened. I can't even describe it. I exerted myself too much or something with the repetitive bending over and use of leg muscles. I ended up barely being able to make it up the stairs. It wasn't an "accomplished" exhausted feeling one gets after the gym. It was an "my body can't sustain myself" feeling. I got in bed and stayed there for a day and felt myself getting weaker...

Weaker to the point of going to the ER AGAIN!!!

I had some sort of physical breakdown that I thought was maybe an adrenal crash or a thyroid storm. Well, it wasn't. They don't know what it was. I tried getting into an endocrinologist but my labs look normal to her so she won't accept me.

So, I stopped all supplements to see if it would help? Was anything even helping??

Well, now this past week has been the worst one yet.

I have woken up with the scariest feeling I have ever felt in my life. The only way I can describe it is death. I wake up and some sort of hissing, burning, falling, dying episode rushes over me before I can even open my eyes. My body feels dead, hollow, and my heart starts POUNDING. I can only think that this is my cortisol awakening response completely malfunctioning or something. Mixed with vertigo mixed with migraine aura mixed with low blood pressure mixed with blood sugar shooting up faster than my body can handle. I called my doc about it and tried to explain this to her and she was telling me how blood sugar and cortisol go hand in hand. I have been drinking a lot of gatorade and having maple syrup. More sugar than usual I guess? But I told her something separate seems to be going on in my solar plexus. I told her I tried half a Xanax but all it did was make me feel like I was on Benadryl and my body felt the same. I told her how something seems structurally wrong with my stomach. I swear something is cutting off blood supply to my brain or oxygen or something.

I think I must be having silent migraines. I am AFRAID to sleep! When I lay down my heart feels like it's fading and I feel vertigo. Like when I lie down it feels like my stomach is on my heart or an artery or something. That probably sounds stupid but it's the only way I can describe it.

I keep getting hypnic jerks and headaches??? While trying to fall asleep. I feel my body fading away when I try to fall asleep. I have had NO appetite.

Then I'll randomly drive to the store and be FINE??? For like an hour a day I'll be fine. Usually in the afternoon? Maybe that has something to do with blood sugar and cortisol????

I started Pantoprazole which may have side effects of insomnia and silent migraines.

I have never had any of these issues before. I already have enough issues.

So, maybe I am even having B12/Folate deficiency symptoms? My Vitamin D is normal.

I see the gastro doc next week to see if a hiatal hernia could really do this to me. I am going up to get a myers cocktail IV to see if I am deplete in nutrients. I'm trying to up my Iron 'cause that was low.

My heart and lungs and stomach are not normal. I have to find something that is wrong!!!

I feel like I know what Lyme feels like and this doesn't feel like normal Lyme. I know what panic/anxiety feels like too, and this is not it.