It has been rough month ever since I started silver, ozone, and upped my artemisinin from 2xday to 4. I use a silver spray by Results RNA and have been getting weekly ozone IVs. I guess I'm herxing because this is how I feel:
-Full body pain is near extreme at moments. I feel like cement has been poured over my bones.
-The joints I have issues with are flaring considerably. My left femur isn't even sitting in my hip socket right (if that's even how that works). My ribs, elbows, knees, etc hate me.
-Appetite is so screwy. I will be nauseated, then have gas, then be starving, then not want anything, then want to eat everything.
-I have had a jumpy heartbeat at moments, more than usual.
-My eyelids are so twitchy and feel numb at times.
-Neck and jaw are so stiff. My neck even makes crackly, crunchy noises. Just from turning it a little. The base of my skull feels....clogged? People need to invent new words to describe Lyme symptoms 'cause the ones we've got don't do justice. They suck.
-I am WEAK. Not the good kind of weak I used to feel after a dance class. It's a body giving out kind of weak. A scary kind of weak. I weakness I didn't choose.
-This RLS or neuropathy or WHATEVER it is I am feeling from the waist down is flaring horribly. I call it acid legs. Like razor burn under my skin. That's another one of my most hated symptoms and one of my first after taking the steroids that flared my dormant Lyme. Lyme is so evil it doesn't even deserve to have a capital L. lyme.
-I am fatigued, yet my cortisol is high. So I'm always "Tired but Wired". This is one of the symptoms I hate the most aside from what can only be described as Vagus Nerve episodes.
-Skull crushing feelings. I don't want to use the word headache because it's not an ache. It's a crush, or stab feeling off and on.
-I will get hyper irritated, then depressed, then lost, etc. I think I am experiencing "floating", which is a Lyme term I think. I feel disconnected. Vacant. Out of it. I have to avoid emotional triggers, happy or sad.
I find my mind jumping around from symptom to symptom wondering wtf is happening and why. I find my mind, at moments, reverting back to the way it was before I knew I had Lyme. It can drive a person mad focusing on each symptom and wondering what is wrong and trying to guess why that particular symptom is manifesting and how. There's TOO many symptoms. I need to remind myself that I really have been tested for everything else. I need to accept and be grateful for the fact that I know it is all caused by this disease. It's just hard because it's like having blind faith in this condition. Do I really have Lyme? How do I know? People don't believe in it, testing SUCKS, and finding the right treatment is even harder! Every step of this is surreal and quite frankly a total joke. This disease really is like a sick joke. You build up symptoms over time and go crazy, spend thousands of dollars on tests, lose faith in all doctors, FINALLY find out you MIGHT have Lyme, then spend even MORE time and money playing the game of trial and error with treatments. The symptoms, the treatments, the lack of testing, the controversy. It's all TOO MUCH. I see people with a broken leg and think "lucky" to myself. Or I hear people say they JUST have a headache or JUST have the flu. Sickness and injury is so simple. I want simple, "real life" physical ailments. I want to be normal.
As usual, these symptoms I've been experiencing come and go, but they are not "background symptoms" as often lately. Usually, if I am doing okay and distracted enough, my symptoms can become white noise, which I swear must be a survival mechanism against this life robbing disease. I can cope and put on a happy face when needed. However, I have had way too many moments lately where that's not been possible for me. I am treating more heavily and have to remind myself this HAS to be herxing.
I'm trying to detox more, but detoxing wipes me out, too! Often times it will help me feel better, but I kind of feel stuck recently. It doesn't feel like it does anything. My supplements don't feel like they're doing anything. I feel better or worse despite taking them or not I think. Today, I actually didn't take my supplements and will JUST detox today. I really swear I do not detox well. I think I can physically feel the dead Lyme around in my body not detoxing out. I feel a poisoned, fizzy, burning feeling all over my body. I try not to think about it 'cause it makes me want to jump out of my own skin. I keep trying to look at what I'm eating but I really don't think this worsening is from food! It feels like it is, though.
The weather has been gorgeous the past couple days, which usually helps me to feel a little better. I remember feeling better taking a couple months off treatments, too. Well, not BETTER. Just okay. I've only had okay, bad, and horrible moments. Lately it's been bad with some horrible.
It's discouraging to still experience the same symptoms I had two years ago, but I think I have more knowledge this year, and will have more consistency in treatments this year. I want to pursue all avenues and locate all puzzle pieces to beating this. My goal is to get my immune system above this disease. I will always have Lyme and I know that. I had it for 20yrs but never noticed it too badly (or actually even knew) until the past couple years when it "paused" me. I can't wait for the day when I can push "play". If I can just get to that point again, where I'm just in remission, or dormancy, then that will be good. I will probably have flares the rest of my life maybe, and I'm okay with that. I just want my body to be on the winning team. I want my immune system to score more points than the disease I guess. I just need to assemble the right team. It's trial and error assembling players. Ok, I've watched too much football. If the English language had better words to describe Lyme then I wouldn't feel the need to use silly analogies!
ANYWAY. I really do think silver, ozone, and artemisinin are POWERFUL. They have to be the reasons I feel so....cementy. I keep reading about how great these treatments are for Lyme, but it's strange because I want to feel this greatness, but all I feel is worse. When does the greatness come? Where is this greatness?
It seems like when the Lyme dies, it tries to take me with it. Not today, Lyme. Not today.
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