Out of The Woods

I feel like I have been hibernating. I tend to do this after Christmas, when the winter is no longer new or magical like Narnia, but a muddy, slushy mess with polluted overcast, freezing temperatures, and dying Christmas trees lying on curbs. Obviously it's ten times worse when you are upping your Lyme treatments and herxing all over the place. I've resorted to a Netflix binge of "How I Met Your Mother". They actually have an episode about how all the characters are going through winter hibernation themselves.  One episode has a shot of Robin who, quite frankly, is a mirror of me sprawled on the couch looking super grungy. Totally me, minus the cheese puffs.

I've read a lot about Lyme symptoms being worse in the winter. It seems some people do better in the warm summer months, and then get worse when it gets cold. I think maybe it might be because Lyme thrives in cold and dies in heat? I've been in my sauna more. I feel like it would help anyone in the winter months, sick or not.

During hibernation, Taylor Swift so graciously debuted her new music video, which happens to be my favorite song. Although she's singing about a romance, all I hear is myself. Asking myself every day as I go through treatment, "Are we out of the woods yet?" I love how she repeats it so much because I repeat it to myself every day. Her music video is clearly symbolic of a relationship she went through, but seriously all my crazy, dramatic, Lymie eyes see is myself going through my fight against Lyme disease. She's freezing, she's burning, she's falling, she's getting up, she's trapped, she's drowning, she falls, she's crawling, struggling, suffering in so many different ways on so many different levels. But she keeps her head up and keeps moving forward despite all the road blocks. And she is ALONE. I must really be getting cabin fever because, to me, the wolves and vines represent spirochetes, too! Oh, the brain of a Lymie. I just see things with different eyes. The video is super beautiful to watch, though, and the scenery in the video seems to help my winter blues. I love the end when she's free of her struggles. I can't wait 'til I am healed and get to (metaphorically) walk out of the woods like a warrior and say, "Are we in the clear yet? GOOD!"

Here's the video. If it doesn't work, here's the link: https://youtu.be/JLf9q36UsBk

P.S. I'm breaking out of my hibernation briefly tomorrow to get my hair done on the eve of my 30th birthday. Why does getting my hair done make me feel better? It's psychological. I don't want to turn 30. I'm not ready yet. I did not even get to finish my twenties. My life was paused at 27, and so much was taken from me. I'll just continue to tell myself I'm still in my twenties since I have no closure. Then, when I feel better, I'll decide to turn 30.