Sensory Overload

A year ago, I hoped I would be well enough to go to a movie theater and see the new Star Wars movie with my husband. As the release date got closer, I realized that I would not be better in time. However, I decided I was going to go anyway. So, I took an anti-nausea pill, drank a lot of magnesium, put on my sunglasses, put in my earplugs, got under my blanket, and sat in the very back row with my husband. I looked at everyone with popcorn and candy and hoped that nobody would find out I had my gluten free, vegan, non-gmo, paleo, corn, soy, and dairy free snack in my pocket. I looked at everyone with soda and then looked down at my bottled water. I sat by the stairs in case I couldn't handle it, and had to leave. I knew at any moment, I could experience sensory overload. I could start shaking. I could start hyperventilating.

When the movie started, my brain couldn't adjust to the words on the screen for a long time. However, the sunglasses and earplugs helped keep my nervous system calm. I was pleasantly surprised that I was about 60% safe from everything that was going on. How strange it is to basically induce temporary mild blindness and deafness in order to even have a shot at experiencing something so normal to most.

My stomach acted up really bad during the movie, and was pressing on my lungs a lot. I hoped the lady next to me could not hear my constant belching as a result of Lyme completely wreaking havoc on my digestive system. I worried about not being able to put my legs up. They just had to hang off the chair, affecting my blood pressure. I worried about the seat affecting my joints. When the movie was over, my knees were all locked up and I had to hobble down the stairs. My brain had to adjust from the theater screen back to real life, which was a little unsettling.

I used to be someone who loved big crowds, loved loud music, loved crazy movies, etc. I actually still am that person. It's just so weird to be in this altered body with this altered brain that doesn't allow me to be who I really am. Today I watched a football game but had to sit behind the couch most of the time so as not to be totally overloaded. I love football, and actually couldn't even process it last year. The fact that I'm able to this year (barely) does say something.

The fact that I was able to accomplish any of this is a big deal to me. Measly to other normal, healthy people, but big to me. I get glimpses of normalcy here and there. Here's hoping for more of those glimpses more often.

P.S. After almost dying from disease, I decided I don't like ANY movies where people die. Don't worry, I won't say who dies in the movie, I just take it a little more seriously than most people do I guess. Seeing death and suffering, fake or not, I guess flares up some PTS a little.